I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
