Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
