the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
