Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
