why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
