just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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