i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
