Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please, let me fuck your mom
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
