Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
