I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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