I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
