Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
