I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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