Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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