The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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