U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
