I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
