I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My vagina just recognized that song.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
