I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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