I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
