Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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