I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
