At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
