I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
