the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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