so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
