Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sex in a hospital.. check
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
