from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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