so explain again why im purple
no
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
