Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
