What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
