nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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