So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
