If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
