According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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