I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
