he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
