dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
