farters have to be the big spoon...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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