I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he thought i was a dude.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
