God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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