Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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