im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
