so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
