Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
