I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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