dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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