I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
