She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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