You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
