Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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