The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
