I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
