i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You took a bar mat shot.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
